


youth.

by whizzerdbrown



Category: Be More Chill - Iconis/Tracz
Genre: Angst, Angst with a Happy Ending, Boardwalk boys, F/F, F/M, Family Issues, Hurt/Comfort, M/M, Multi, Parent Issues, Trans Character, Trans Characters, Trans Jenna, Trans Michael, Trans Rich, all over the place, comedic relief, give me more content, guys i'm gay, i love boardwalk boys, its going to be really sad at some points and then really funny at other, jake and jer come in a bit later, primarily expensive headphones at the beginning!
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2017-09-04
Updated: 2017-09-05
Packaged: 2018-12-23 09:36:11
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 4
Words: 4,555
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/11987109
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/whizzerdbrown/pseuds/whizzerdbrown
Summary: "What's the purpose of life if we're just being controlled?"..."I guess that just means that youth isn't all it's cracked up to be."—Girlfriends take up a lot of time, whether it's a healthy or an unhealthy relationship.Parents are sometimes shittier than they're supposed to be.Being young sucks.At this point, all Rich and Michael have left is each other.





	1. the game of life / the simulation theory

Michael knew that Jeremy wasn't avoiding him on purpose. Girlfriends just... took up a lot of time. A _lot_ of time. Like, all of it. They've hung out once, maybe twice, in the past two months. It wasn't as terrible as he thought it would be, though, because of his new-found second-best friend. 

Richard Goranski wasn't at all what he was like with the SQUIP. With the SQUIP, he was, well- an asshole. He was a bully, a smart-ass, sarcastic but in the worst way possible. It was honestly hard to believe, that Rich and the Rich in his basement were the same person. Rich, the real, unfiltered Rich, was funny, and kind, and a major dork but in the best way. In a weird way, Michael could both understand why people used to pick on him, and also not understand it. And he did it, Michael would pick on Rich, but Rich just laughed and picked on Michael right back. It was a friend thing. He and Jeremy used to do it all the time, before Christine. 

They sat in the basement, awake at ungodly hours of the day, some lame comedian talking on the TV. They weren't listening, anyway. It was a Thursday – well, late Thursday night and early Friday morning – and they were playing some board game. 

"I don't even know how to play Life," Rich eventually pointed out, moving his car along the board. 

"I mean, considering that we're playing Monopoly, I don't think it really matters."

There was a brief moment of silence, before both of them laughed. They weren't playing Monopoly. Or Life. They were playing Matchbox, without even looking at the directions, and neither of them actually knew the rules. Essentially, they were just aimlessly racing their cars around the track. 

"When you think about it, though, Life is a sad game," Michael threw in. Rich gave him a look of confusion, and Michael explained himself. "You're basically just faking a life. And you can make your life all perfect, and have the perfect husband – or wife – and as many kids as you want, and the perfect job."

Then, Rich got it. "Man, I wish the real life was that easy."

They were both quiet, thinking about the game of Life versus the real life, before Rich suddenly flew up in his seat. Michael almost jumped, surprised attention locked on the smaller boy once again. 

"What if it is, though? Have you heard of the simulation theory?"

Michael raised an eyebrow. "The what?"

Rich launched into a lengthy explanation, talking about the theory where, apparently, the world was just a simulation. He had some 'proof,' but Michael wasn't following very well. Michael never had believed in things like that – but Rich most definitely did. All the time, Rich would call him telling him about some new theory that he heard, about some new celebrity that he _knew_ had to be a reptile that worked for the government. If Michael was being honest, it was kind of cute. Rich always got so excited when talking about that type of stuff, and he had this sparkle in his eye, and he just knew so much about all of it that he had to be doing research on his own. Michael kind of zoned out, just watching Rich talk. 

"–And," he was saying, "some of the smartest people in the world believe in it! I mean, I guess that doesn't really mean anything, but it just points more towards the truth category, right? If super smart people are believing it, it's gotta count for something. And! Get this! Michael, how many times have you walked into a room to do something, and then just immediately forget what you're doing?"

Michael blinked, "Uh, a lot?"

Rich grinned, clapping his hands together. "Exactly! What if that's just someone, the person playing the simulator, cancelling your action? Like, imagine; it's like the Sims. You've played the Sims, everyone's played the Sims. You know how sometimes you accidentally have a Sim do something? Like, I don't know, you accidentally tell the Sim to go wash dishes or something. What do you do afterwards? Cancel the action. They get to the kitchen, stand there for a moment, then they just go back and sit on the couch. Michael! What if, every time we log into the Sims, we're taking control of _actual people_?"

"That's.. kind of fucked up." Michael managed. 

"Yeah! But it's so fucked up that it's _cool_."

"Okay, alright. Question." Michael started. Rich seemed excited to be able to answer it. "If all this really is being controlled by a person, how much of this is real? Are you really explaining this to me, or is it the, uh.. the guy playing the game?"

That seemed to just blow Rich's mind. He clearly hadn't been thinking that far. "You might have cracked the code."

"What?"

"What's the purpose of life if we're just being controlled?"

Michael actually laughed at that. "Rich, we don't know for sure that's what's happening. I know you have all that evidence, but I don't believe it."

"Hypothetically," Rich added on with a grin, only seeming half-serious about the matter, now. "What would be the meaning of life, if we really were being controlled?"

There was a burst of silence between the two of them, both of them thinking up answers to the question. On one hand, Michael thought the question was ridiculous. But, on the other...

"Aren't we actually being controlled, though? Adults practically run the universe. We can't do anything without their approval," Michael threw out. 

Rich nodded his head. "Yeah, for real."

"I guess," Michael shrugged, "that just means that youth isn't all it's cracked up to be."

"Maybe it will be? In time?"

"What time? Rich, we're seventeen. We only have a year left until we're legal adults."

Then, Rich got that mischievous smile on his face. The one that Michael sometimes found comforting, the one that he sometimes found worrying. "Then we have a year to prove that being teenagers doesn't have to be as shitty as it's been so far."

Michael knew he was in for a wild ride.


	2. pining behind bookshelves / jake and chloe

Study hall was Rich's favorite class, and that was because it was the only one that he could get away with talking to Michael in, other than lunch. They'd always lie to the teachers and come up with _some kind_ of homework or project that they were working on together that could get them sent to a corner of the library alone, behind book shelves, where they could just talk. 

That was, probably, one of Rich's favorite things about Michael. He was a great listener and didn't mind when Rich rambled, and he was also a good speaker and had a pleasant voice to listen to. Rich had pointed that out one time and told him that he should be a public speaker, and Michael only laughed it off. Rich still thought so, though – he had interesting things to say, knew a lot about them, and spoke with such a calming voice. 

Rich knew he was in love. Being bisexual was both a sin and a blessing. Currently, it was feeling more like a sin than anything. Days like that Friday, sat up against a book shelf with a Psychology book laid in his lap, listening to Michael's smooth voice go on about a documentary that he'd watched about Timothy Treadwell, made Rich wish he could just be straight. 

Michael knew about Rich's sexuality, and he was more than okay with it. What he didn't know, though, was how big of a schoolgirl crush Rich had on Michael, thanks to said sexuality. Rich honestly just figured that never telling Michael was his best bet. Michael probably didn't like him that way. Who would? Rich was brought out of his thoughts by Michael falling silent, watching him with an eyebrow raised. 

"Are you okay?" Michael questioned, his voice a hushed whisper. They had to speak quietly in study hall, otherwise the teachers would catch on that they weren't actually working. 

"Yeah!" Rich whispered back, throwing on a smile. He hated whispering because it pronounced his lisp even more than just losing the SQUIP had. "Continue what you were saying. The bear did what?"

Michael completely ignored that, though. "What were you thinking about?"

Michael was way too good at seeing through people, Rich realized. He seemed to be able to call bullshit on anything, and he noticed even some of the smallest tics. Like, the brief second of silence that Rich took to come up with a believable falsity. 

"Is it Jake?" Michael asked, before Rich could fib once again. 

Oh, shit. Jake. 

Rich hasn't seen Jake much. They texted, sometimes, but Jake was busy. He had all those clubs, all those sports, and... Chloe. Rich was pissed at Chloe, but he kind of always has been. Before, it was because he was jealous. Jealous of how she could easily win Jake over, when _he_ wanted Jake. But now all of that was over – at least, he thought. He and Jake were friends, and Rich didn't think he wanted much else out of that relationship. Now, it was because of the way that Chloe treated him. 

Chloe was pretty and popular. She wasn't all that nice. Rich didn't understand why Brooke and Jenna even bothered to be her friend. Was it the popularity status? Chloe bossed them around, often telling both of them to shut up just because she didn't want to listen, and, more often than not, didn't even try to listen whether the matter was important or not. She was even worse with Jake. 

Rich was worried about Jake. He had so much to do during the day and afternoon, and then he'd turn around and spend the rest of his day with Chloe. His girlfriend, the on-and-off kind. If he was busy one night, she'd say something over-dramatically stupid, like that he must love sports more than her, and she'd dump him right then and there. Then, a few days later, she'd come back. She'd blame it on a bad day, or a recent fight with her parents – even though _everyone_ knew that her parents let her do nearly anything she wanted to and would never argue with her like that. And, for reasons unbeknownst to Rich, he'd take her back. 

"Yeah, sorry," Rich ended up just agreeing. He was worried about Jake, he really was. He just wanted the poor guy to be happy. To find someone that actually likes him for him, because he's a great guy. "I just wonder about him and Chloe."

Michael nodded. He knew about all of that, too. And while he didn't know either Jake or Chloe that much, not nearly as much as Rich knew them, he still found the relationship concerning. "I heard somewhere that they broke off again last night, or the night before, or something."

"Ugh, really?" Rich groaned. "Jake likes her, still. I don't understand it."

"She seems like a bitch."

"She is!"

A shush came from another corner of the library, and Michael snickered. Rich often got shushed. Both of them were surprised that they still haven't gotten separated. 

"Maybe that's something we should do with our last year as youngsters," Michael said, his voice still hushed, as he now wore a grin. "Save Jake. He's obviously been forced to grow up, right? We'll get him away from Chloe, get him over her, and then get him to spend our last year with us."

Rich's expression lit up at that idea. Michael's ideas were always either amazing, or horrible. There was hardly an in-between. But this one was definitely an amazing idea. "Yeah!" He nodded, keeping his enthusiasm as low as he could for how excited he was. "Let's talk to him at lunch!"

That was, if Jake actually showed up to lunch. He was usually at lunch when he and Chloe were still together, but Rich didn't have the slightest clue of where he went whenever they broke up. If he wasn't there, they'd just have to look.


	3. jake and chloe pt 2 / "saving jake"

Jake wasn't at lunch. Of course he wouldn't be – Chloe didn't want to see him. She broke up with him over the phone just the previous night, and said some hurtful things. He sincerely thought that she didn't _mean_ to hurt him, she was just upset. 

And, she had the right to be. 

What kind of boyfriend was he? Always busy, never home. Why did she put up with him? There were plenty of other guys at their school that she could get with, guys that would be home and that would have time to be with her. Guys with families that she could meet. 

Jake tried. He really did. And maybe that was the problem, maybe he tried too hard. He just... didn't want to be forgotten. He didn't want to go to school and just be mediocre at best. He wanted to live, and he wanted to have fun living, and he wanted to be remembered for it. 

Was he really living, though? Was all of this what he had planned? _Did_ he have anything planned, or was he just taking things as they were?

Lunch period was a good time for these thoughts. He didn't have to be doing anything else. Chloe would be fine, wouldn't miss him, because she had her friends and because she was over him. He didn't have to pay attention to any teachers lecturing. He didn't have to do drills, he wasn't memorizing lines – he didn't have anything else to pay attention to other than his thoughts. 

Jake paced up and down the bathroom floor. It wasn't a clean area, but it was the only empty area that he could go and not get in trouble for staying for the whole thirty minute period. The germaphobe inside him told him _gross, get out_ , but where else was he supposed to go? He wasn't hungry, he never had appetites on days like this, and he didn't want to bother Chloe if he happened to pass her in the cafeteria. 

He trailed a hand through his hair, taking a step towards the door to leave anyway, when the door was thrown open. Jake froze in surprise, watching as Rich's face came into view. And was that... Michael, behind him? Were they friends, now? Jake was really out of the loop. 

"Jakey-D!" Rich greeted, a little too excited for having almost ran into each other in the middle of the school's bathroom. Michael offered an awkward wave. 

"Oh, hey," Jake murmured, glancing between the two other boys. 

"Are you busy?" Rich questioned. "Micah and I are skipping the rest of the day, and we wanted to see if you'd come with us!"

Michael gave Rich a look, one that said that he knew nothing of the idea of skipping, and that Rich seemed to have just come up with that from the top of his head, then and there. 

Jake had never skipped in the middle of school. He rarely skipped school in general – he'd go unless he physically couldn't or unless the teachers saw how sick he was and would make him go home. But... Skipping with Rich and Michael could surely take Chloe off his mind, right? And he definitely needed that. 

He must have looked like he didn't want to go, because Rich added on to his proposal. "It'll be fun! I mean- we haven't really _planned_ what we're gonna do, but it'll be wild!"

"Define wild," Michael finally spoke, almost speaking Jake's mind. What had Rich meant by that? He might not have the SQUIP making decisions for him anymore, but he was still quite the daredevil. 

Rich waved it off with a grin, "It'll be fun! C'mon, you guys, we aren't going to be this young forever. Live a little!"

A lightbulb seemed to go off for Michael, and he was suddenly all for it. Jake didn't have the same immediate reaction. 

Jake had to think about it. On one hand, he wondered, what did he have to lose? On the other, he realized that there was plenty to lose. But for some reason, Jake just didn't care about that. Rich was right – one more year, then they were all off to college. He knew that college was supposed to be fun, too, but what about senior year bucket lists? He hadn't even _made_ one of those, because he was too busy with everything else. Why not take a break?

"Okay," Jake finally agreed. "Why not?"

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> this ones a bit shorter, so apologies for that!! but two chapters in one day, look at me go– and i'm hoping to finish chapter four super soon too! :0
> 
> plot's finally kicking in, guys! we're finally getting there!


	4. the boardwalk, part one

Rich knew way too much about secret places in the school. He was currently leading Jake and Michael down a hallway that they didn't even know existed, talking about how, if they go this way, nobody will even know they got out. They wouldn't get caught. Apparently, Rich had done this plenty of times before with Brooke and Jenna. 

"How did you even know this was here?" Jake eventually questioned, knowing that Michael had the same question just by the look on his face. 

Rich turned to face the two of them, walking backwards, "Jenna knew it! Don't know how she did, though. She knows everything."

Neither one of them were all that surprised, then. Jenna really _did_ seem to know everything. And none of them knew how she required all that information. Both Michael and Jake were kind of afraid to ask. She probably had some kind of black market full of information and blackmail material. Jenna was kind of scary, when you thought about it that way, even though she was really sweet on the exterior. 

They got to the end of the hallway, and Rich pulled open an old, rusty door, and then they were out in an alleyway along the streets of New Jersey. It seemed kind of shady but, if Rich had really done this as many times as he said he's done it, it must be safe. 

Somehow, with some more secret shortcuts that had to have been found by Jenna, the trio ended up out on the boardwalk. It wasn't too far away from their school, anyway, surprisingly enough. They spent the day there.

It was a nice day. The weather was still summery and hot, and there was the occasional breeze that kept them from being uncomfortably warm. They didn't do anything special, really, just aimlessly walking around and talking. Their conversations were fun and lighthearted, ranging from funny stories to telling Rich that, no, it was not a good idea to try to run and jump over the side of the railing. (Which, he had suggested about twenty times now.) 

It was eight, now, and the three of them were just sitting in a sandy area off the ocean. It had gotten chilly and Rich, who cleverly dressed in a tank top and shorts, ended up stealing Michael's hoodie around an hour ago. Michael had a long sleeve shirt under it, anyway, and both Rich and Jake had questioned how he didn't get heat stroke. Michael didn't know. They sat watching the sun set, talking and just enjoying each other's company. 

Jake couldn't remember the last time that he actually had _fun_ like this. Of course, he wouldn't say that he lived a bad life, and he did have fun often, but it was never like this. He hoped that this could happen often. Even if they didn't go to the boardwalk, even if they were just at a nearby park or someone's house, or something. He never really noticed how much fun Rich and Michael were, especially when paired together. He watched on, listening to the other two talk and laugh about something that he hadn't exactly paid enough attention to. Even though he hadn't liked the idea of skipping in the first place, he was glad that he went with it. This was so much more fun than being upset over Chloe. 

He hadn't thought about Chloe at all since they left the school. It kind of made him wonder how much he really missed her. He had friends, here, that took his mind off of her so easily. And neither of those friends said any of the hurtful things that she'd say to him. Huh. Newsflash, maybe she wasn't good for him, anyway. 

"Jake?" Michael had questioned after awhile, immediately pulling the taller boy out of his thoughts. "You good, dude?"

"Oh– Yeah. Great, actually." He'd answered with a smile. 

And he was. He was great. A little confused on why he didn't care that much about what Chloe was doing right now, but he was in no way upset about this. 

They talked for another few hours, until Jake had to leave around midnight. He had sports practice and play rehearsal both tomorrow, so he couldn't stay out too late. Rich and Michael offered to walk him back home, but he declined even after they insisted. 

Rich and Michael stayed out later. Michael had already texted one of his moms, telling her where he was and with who, and she gave him a curfew of three in the morning. It was only one thirty at the time. Rich's mom was out of state, he wasn't really sure where, and his dad was probably out drinking, so he knew he wouldn't be in much trouble if he was out until three, too. If anything, he'd just get a lecture from his older brother about making sure to tell him what was going on next time. Rich kind of liked getting those lectures, because it reminded him that at least _someone_ in his family cared about him. 

The night was more beautiful than the day was. The boardwalk was all lit up in colorful, neon lights, and less people were there. It felt like Michael and Rich were the only ones there, even though they knew otherwise. It made them wish that Jake could have stayed with them for just another hour or two, but they understood why he had to leave. Rich had threw aside his shoes and tossed Michael's hoodie back at him and, before Michael had the chance to ask him what he was doing, he'd ran out to where the sand and water met. 

"Rich, you'll get sick-" Michael called after him, a safe distance away from the water, but Rich didn't listen. 

He stuck a foot into the water, experimentally, before seemingly deeming it not too cold to get in and continued walking. He didn't stop until the water was up to his knees, then he turned around and motioned for Michael to join him, grinning. 

"No way," Michael shook his head, "I'm not going to get sick. And I'm not taking care of you when you're sick, either!"

Rich stuck his tongue out at him, "Whatever! Your loss, man!" And he turned and waded out further. 

Michael just stood back where he was, holding his hoodie, and waiting for Rich to return. God. Rich was going to get sick, and then he was going to complain about it the entire time – and Michael probably _would_ take care of him. 

Rich just walked around for a good ten minutes, before eventually coming back. At least he'd been careful enough not to get his clothes wet. Walking back home in cold, soaked clothes, in the now cold weather, wasn't a good idea. 

"Jesus, Rich-" Michael murmured, tossing his hoodie over to him again, "You're shivering."

"I'm fine," Rich insisted, but wasted no time in pulling the hoodie over his head once again. Michael rolled his eyes. "What time is it?"

Michael checked his phone. It was already two thirty. He had to get home now, too. Of course, Rich whined and complained, because the day ended too quickly – but he did this anytime they had to part. 

"It's Friday," Michael pointed out. "Well, technically, Saturday. No school. Just come stay at my house."

And then they headed back to the Mell household. Michael's moms liked Rich. They'd practically adopted him, at this point – Rich spent so much time over there. They thought he was sweet and often, jokingly, told Michael to be more like him. Just like they had done with Jeremy, when he wasn't so busy. 

Rich tied his shoelaces together, slinging the shoes over his shoulder, holding them by the laces. Michael scolded him to wear them, or at least his socks, because he'd tear up his feet by walking all the way back to his house without them, but Rich didn't listen. He even ran ahead, purposely scuffing his feet across the sidewalks to prove that it was 'fine' and 'didn't hurt,' but only minutes later mentioned that his feet did hurt. Stubbornly, though, Rich refused to put his shoes back on, and Michael just gave up. 

The house was silent when they got back, and Michael just assumed that they'd fallen asleep waiting for his arrival. He knew his moms trusted him enough to know that he'd get back in time, anyway. They probably weren't even worried about it, which was good. He and Rich silently went down to the basement, as they usually did. 

Even though he was warm again, Rich kept Michael's hoodie. It was big on him, big enough that he had at least two or three inches of extra sleeve room, and it was long enough to cover a little under half of his shorts. And, overall, it was just _comfortable_. And it smelled like Michael. An oddly comforting mixture of sweet vanilla, and sharp cinnamon, and weed. Combinations that didn't seem like they would mix very well but do, and that just made Rich feel so happy and warm and – fuck, there he goes again. 

"I told you that you'd get sick," Michael huffed. 

"Uh-" Rich stuttered, glancing over at Michael, "What?"

Michael shook his head. "Your face is red. Come here-"

The shorter boy nearly fell off the couch when Michael held his hand out to check his temperature. 

And then, they just stared at each other. Michael, surprised by Rich's extreme reaction. Rich, surprised that he had _actually_ reacted like that. 

"Dude-"

"I love you."

More silence, more staring. Well, staring on Michael's part. Rich looked off to the side. The silence was killing him. 

Finally, Michael spoke. "Sorry?"

"Yeah, me too-"

"What? No, I meant I just didn't hear you."

"I know. It's stupid."

"Rich."

His name rung out in the room, because he didn't say anything in response for awhile. Why did he just blurt that out? He felt stupid, now. And that's when it happened. Michael grabbed the collar of the hoodie that Rich was wearing, pulling him closer, and their lips connected. 

The kiss was short, but sweet, and seemed to get the point across that Michael actually _had_ heard what Rich said. 

"Is that what you were saying?" He'd questioned anyway, after pulling away. 

Rich blinked a few times, dumbfounded, before casually responding, "Well, I didn't say _kiss me_ , but."

Michael laughed and rolled his eyes, which, in turn, made Rich grin. And any awkwardness or regret was instantly lifted. 

"I don't think this even needs to be asked, but, will you go out with me?" Rich added on. 

"Yeah, you dork. Of course."


End file.
